"Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn’t cried once today? This moi." (Liz Lemon)
"Love is like an onion, and you peel away layer after stinky layer until you're just weeping over the sink." (Scott Adsit)
"A book hasn't caused me this much trouble since Where's Waldo went to that barber pole factory." (Tracy Morgan)
"Yes and no. 'Yes' that did happen, 'no' it didn't not happen." (Jack Donaghy)
"I learned the word "black" in every language just so I know when to be offended." (Tracy Morgan)
"Oh get a job? Just get a job? Why don't I strap on my job helmet, and squeeze down into a job cannon, and fire into job land, where jobs grow on jobbies!" (Charley Kelly)
"Cats do not abide by the laws of nature." (Charley Kelly)
"Your breath smells like an old lady fart passing through an onion." (Sweet Dee)
"Look at Sweet Dee, sitting on her cloud of judgment, handing down life lessons to all the sinners." (Mac)
"You know what, Dee? I don't want to hear about your dreams, ok. I hate listening to people's dreams. It's like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and no one's having $@$, then I don't care." (Dennis Reynolds)
"When we get out of this, I am gonna shove my fist right into your ass, hard and fast. Not in a sexual way, in a 'I am #!$$@& off' way." (Frank Reynolds)
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